i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
