I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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