sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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