Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she pinky promised me she was 18
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
