remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
