Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
