I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
