i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
