Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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