just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
