Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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