she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
