And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
