I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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