i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize