Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
