I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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