i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
