So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
