Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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