it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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