I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
