So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
