im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
