Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
