Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
