Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
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He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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