You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
