I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
