so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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