hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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