I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
