According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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