And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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