She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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