Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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