I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
