I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
