My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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