either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
