its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
