There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
