I think my fart just growled at me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
