did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
