We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
