My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
