went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I FOUND THE LEGS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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