so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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