there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
