Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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