need another drink. this is the easiest way
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
