So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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