they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
