Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
