i can't believe i had my finger in that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
