Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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