I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
