I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she looked like the before picture.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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