yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
