who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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