dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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