your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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