this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
