wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
