Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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