dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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