if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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