You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
